After 50 plus years of exploring the galaxy, the citizens of Star Trek have encountered innumerable alien races, strange scientific phenomenon, and time travel conundrums - but have they ever battled zombies? Has anyone given any thoughtful consideration as to how our favorite characters would fare against a rambling horde of the undead?
We’ll discern which of the main characters from the Star Trek Universe you’d want on your side during the zombie apocalypse, and which would be a detriment to survival. We’re excluding red-shirt security guards, who would (obviously) die first, and the wealth of doctors: McCoy, Crusher, Bashir, Phlox, and Culber, who are obvious assets - but we’ll note any synonymous characters, good or bad.
Wouldn't Want - Spock
This may seem an odd choice, as the Vulcan Spock - all TV/movie versions - is uncommonly strong, intelligent, and carries a wealth of useful information on energy fields, botany, and military tactics. Yet once the zombies start shambling in, you’ll want someone who doesn't think logically but is willing to attack and eliminate the horde without remorse.
For someone who thrives on logic and intelligence, Spock will find there is no reasoning with the walking dead, and of course, the Vulcan neck-pinch submission maneuver wouldn't work on someone without nerves. Maybe the older, feral Spock, seen in some of the original episodes, would be useful here - but a thinking man, whether half-human or not, would just get in the way.
Would Want - Scottie
When you need someone to turn a washing machine into a catapult or ensure the electric zombie fence doesn't run out of power, Lt. Commander Montgomery Scott is your guy. He can build and fix any contraption, coax complex systems beyond their recommended limit, and manipulate the delicate balance between matter and antimatter.
Scottie is also good at taking orders (mostly) and can hold his own in a fistfight - also important qualities when you haven't finished your first zombie-proof fortress. His penchant for scotch-whiskey may be detrimental, but knowing someone with brewmaster skills is also convenient.
Wouldn't Want - Odo
Constable Odo’s military experience includes his position as the Chief of Security on the space station Deep Space Nine and being conscripted into combat against the Dominion. You’d think a shapeshifting alien would be a good humanoid to have in a zombie battle - any battle really - but what if he was turned? A nebulous, disaffected zombie would be difficult to kill, and with a modicum of intelligence could impersonate the living.
Odo’s dour search for self-identity would also be distracting during the apocalypse, and his rejection of his Changeling race’s vicious ways - they ruled the Gamma Quadrant with an iron fist without him - make him less advantageous.
Would Want - Data
This choice is fairly obvious - a superhuman, mostly obedient android who can think and act in lightning fashion - who wouldn’t want him on their side v. the zombies?
Data’s quest to become more human hasn't stopped him from defending his crewmates from aliens, the Borg (below), and other androids. The existence of his evil twin Lore suggests Data has within him the ability to act mercilessly when needed. And although he’s been deactivated on occasion - when required by the plot of Star Trek: The Next Generation - his power system lasts for years. Finally, unlike fellow smartie-pants Spock and Seven of Nine, he can't be turned by a zombie bite.
Wouldn’t Want - Saru
Graceful, contemplative, and well-spoken, Saru the Kelpien from “Star Trek: Discovery” possesses a specific set of skills that are entirely superfluous to survival in the zombie apocalypse. Sure, he can detect danger and warn his comrades, but his race is seen as sacrificial to the point of cowardice.
His manners suggest “The Walking Dead’s” Eugene - both are clever, interesting to talk to, and can be useful behind-the-scenes. But a tall and hard to hide alien, who tends toward fear and duplicitous acts, wouldn’t be the first choice to lead the charge
Would Want - Worf
Bull-headed, fierce, and thirsting for battle - pretty much any of the Klingons from The Next Generation forward would make excellent warriors in the battle against the undead. Worf, in particular, is one of the first people you’d run to when the zombies wander into the fort.
Like Darryl in The Walking Dead, Worf could be used as undetectable reconnaissance, an experienced scout, or with fellow Klingons as the frontline in your zombie-killing army. There would be a certain bloody joy in seeing a division of Klingon stormtroopers slicing through the zombie horde with their batleths.
Wouldn’t Want - Kirk
Old Kirk, New Kirk, even doppelganger Kirk wouldn’t be the best person to side with in the zombie apocalypse. As a commander and inspiration for the troops, Kirk has a place - but when the tribbles hit the fan, his double-fist punch doesn't count for much.
You could say Chris Pine’s Kirk would be good in a fight - but all Kirks tend to act on their own accord, facetiously disobeying orders when it suits them. And his preoccupation with the opposite sex would certainly add dissent to the ranks - there’s no time for alien romance when the undead are knocking down the gates.
Would Want - Janeway
Unlike Captain Kirk, Captain Kathyrn Janeway is tough-as-nails, fierce, and doesn’t suffer disobedience or insubordination from anyone. This is a woman who’s faced down the Borg Queen - more than once - and has routinely risked lesser crew for the greater good. She’s been known to negotiate with aliens - which, as we’ll see with Picard (below) won’t change a zombie’s mind - but liberally uses violence to defeat her enemies.
Janeway doesn’t tolerate failure, bends the rules to win battles, hates to lose, and subsists primarily on tea. And unlike others who’ve sat in the captain’s chair, it's easy to imagine her dressed in zombie-proof armor, firmly directing minions and cutting through hapless zombies like a phaser through butter.
Wouldn't Want - Picard
The beloved Captain Jean-Luc Picard is truly a paragon of valor, virtue, and diplomacy for the United Federation of Planets. But as we’re discovering on Star Trek: Picard, he’s also old, slow, and prone to peace. The Picard who angrily fought the Borg in Star Trek: First is long gone - age and an apparent disinterest in cybernetic implants have caught up with the great man.
Picard is reminiscent of Dale from The Walking Dead, who was pacifistic to the detriment of everyone around him trying to survive. Both would risk everything to uphold a moral principle - a trait that we know has little merit in the zombie apocalypse.
Would Want - Seven of Nine
Who would you bet on in mortal combat: shuffling, disorganized, disheveled zombies - or cybernetically enhanced, coordinated, and well-armed zombies? The Borg are like zombies with superpowers - relentless in their ability to overrun their enemies, with brute force and cunning in equal measure.
Seven of Nine, in particular, would be a great asset, as her humanity would stop her from trying vainly to assimilate the undead. And she, like her Borg brethren, is comfortable with a wide range of small arms and hand-to-hand combat. Deploying the Borg to defeat the zombies would be like fighting fire with fire - zombie resistance would be futile.
